Tag Archives: climate change
John Kerry Torn As Climate Change Greatly Improves Zinfandels
Greta Thunberg Receives Stocking Full Of Carbon Offsets
Enjoy this satire? Then share with a friend already! – Dave
Tesla Unveils Sailboat Powered Exclusively By Wind Power
Tesla CEO Elon Musk introduced a sailboat powered entirely by renewable wind energy today to a group of journalists and high-tech insiders. Retailing at one-billion dollars, the Sailster is marketed primarily for tooling around the Mediterranean, trans-Atlantic voyages between Nice and Manhattan and house-shopping along the Rhode Island coast.
“Imagine sailing from San Francisco to Los Angeles, your arrival governed entirely by the the currents, the wind, and the local longshoreman unions,” said Musk, adding “Thanks to the Sailster, the dream of transiting the Atlantic with zero emissions will become a reality.”
Musk went on to challenge his audience to consider the implications of being able to sail from California the following Monday, arrive in Hawaii less than three weeks later, and then be back in California in time for the fall mudslide season.
At press time Musk was expressing concern that rising sea levels generated by global warming might add four or five months to the Hawaii journey.
Did you enjoy this satire? Then share with a friend already! And thank you. – Dave
The Climate Circus Comes To Paris
(Note: this was originally published at Ricochet.com).
Paris – I miss the days when the circus rolled into town on a sleepy train in the middle of the night rather on luxury private planes and chartered jets in the middle of the day. But then again, this is no ordinary circus, kids. It’s the Climate Circus! Where the folly of group action plays out before our eyes in such exotic locals as Marrakech, Lima and Doha. And this week, Paris. Only a few weeks after Islamist terror attacks killed 130 people in the heart of the city. As John Kerry might say, what more evidence do you need to believe that climate change has already begun?
The United Nations Climate Conference is where where expectations come to be lowered and grand schemes come to die. The fairy tale always begins on a note of optimism – ideally some kind of “grand bargain” on climate – only to settle for a vague statement calling to offset the conference’s carbon footprint “around 2050.”
There is good news on the climate front: ISIS recently announced its plan to cut its greenhouse emissions to pre-750 A.D. levels, and I believe them. Concerned entrepreneurs like Elon Husk have called for Toyota drivers worldwide to pay reparations for their recent historic environmental sinning, unwitting though they were. And North Korea continues to drastically cut it’s greenhouse gasses for some reason we can’t talk about. But mainly things don’t look good on the climate front: winters remain very cold and summers very hot because capitalism.
President Obama called ISIS’s proposal a “climate posturing” and a “jayvee solution to a varsity problem,” adding that global warming poses too great a threat to allow America to lead from behind. He also reiterated his complaint that Republican critics of his foreign policy are merely “popping” off, which is funny because popping off is the essence of his ISIS strategy.
The pointless enviro-drama that is the UNCC reminds me of Circus Soleil: too big a budget, over-produced and utterly pretentious. California Democrats are, as usual, on the leading edge in the fight against climate change – or any kind of change, for that matter. Governor Jerry Brown has called for more research and development on lunar energy for crying out loud: you can take “Moonbeam” out of a man’s name but you can’t remove him from the gravitational pull of environmentalism.
Return to daviDDeeble.com or watch a talk I gave recently about my transformation from conventional to comedy juggler.
The 20 Most-Overlooked Newspaper Headlines Of 2013
This entry was originally published at Ricochet.com.
Younger readers may not be aware that the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and other news sources have offline editions, typically printed on paper and sometimes even delivered to your doorstep. Many of the print-edition headlines of 2013 grabbed us by the lapels and demanded our attention. However, several important developments disappeared down the memory hole almost as soon as they became breaking news. Below are the large headlines of 2013 which should make conservatives cheer, weep or don a onesie and move back with their parents.
1: Congress Deems Man’s Liver Too Big To Fail (NYT)
2: Constitution Dubbed “Obstructionist” (San Jose Mercury News)
3: Paul Krugman Wins Academy Award For Economics (Boston Globe)
4: Budget Shortfalls Force States To Choose Between Boondoggles (NYT)
5: Car Insurance Companies Made To Cover Pre-Existing Damage (LAT)
6: Planned Economy Not Going As Planned
7: Term-Limits Platform Launches Candidate To Decades-Long Career In Congress (USA Today)
8: Captain America Found Broke, Living Off Children And Cheap Loans From China (WAPO)
9: Discarded Climate Model Halfway Decent At Predicting American League East (Chicago Sun-Times)
10: Physicists Awed By Complexity Of U.S. Tax Code
11: Pentagon: Second Half Of Afghan War To Be “Even Better” Than First
12: Would-Be Mugging Victim Pleads The Second (Investors Business Daily)
13: American Dream Now Selling A Home (Tampa Bay Times)
14: Nation Braces For Next Act Of Bipartisanship
15: Grievance Industry Records Record Profits
16: Liberal Golfer Demands Second Mulligan
17: Millennials Demand Reparations For National Debt
18: Family Man Works Tirelessly To Provide For IRS (Dallas Morning News)
19: Entire Generation Staring Up At Social Safety Net (Boston Globe)
20: Career Politician Considers Going Legit (Seattle Times)
Return to daviddeeble.com