Dear Diary: August 24, 2015



Monday, August 24, 2015, Salt Lake City – Another all-day travel day without brushing my teeth until I get home and to bed. Why can’t I bring big-boy sized toothpaste on the plane? It reminds me of how when you lock your keys in the car and you ask yourself “Why must we lock our cars in the first place?” Because, incredible as it sounds, there are people out there who would steal them otherwise. Similarly, there are those out there who don’t want the plane to land safely. It’s really an unbelievable world, when you think about it.

I’m not sure what the connection is between plane safety and toothpaste-tube size but I assume the feds know what they’re doing.

I bought a bottle of water from a very exotic-looking young woman here at SLC airport. She looked Persian or something. I said “What’s your ethnicity?” “I don’t like Utah”, she said.

Return to or watch my submission to the Conan O’Brien Show.