As the rest of America watched Amy Coney Barrett sworn-in to the nation’s highest court, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell was wrapping up cocaine-fueled confirmation of three more federal judges.
At the conclusion the week-long confirmation bender, a bleary-eyed McConnell emerged pantless from the Senate chamber, gave reporters a thumbs-up and then collapsed into the back of a black SUV before catching the next flight to Louisville. A McConnell spokesman said that the senator had no intentions of resting for very long as he intends before the election to confirm a textualist to the 11th Circuit, three originalists to the appellate courts and three strict constitutionalists to the D.C. Circuit.
McConnell also stated his intention to confirm two conservative judges at one time, which he referred to as “a judicial menage a trois.”
Senator Mitt Romney (R., Utah) announced today that he is not opposed in principle to moving forward with voting for a replacement for the recently deceased Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, stating that “If it comes to a vote, I’ll consult my conscience and my Creator and before voting a firm ‘nay’.”
Romney was lauded by political operatives on both sides of the aisle in Washington establishment for seeking to “turn down the country’s political temperature,” in the words of David French. “Both parties need to compromise,” said 99-year old former Secretary of State George P. Shultz, adding that “cynically putting it to a vote before handing over a huge political victory to the Democrats is what has historically made America great.”
At press time The Bulwark was calling for Romney to face a primary opponent for enabling Trump in exercising his constitutional duty.
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