Gorgeous Rainbow Straddles America As Trump, Clinton Step Down

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Look – it could happen. And Hurricane Matthew could pull out of North Carolina over that state’s bathroom law.

Before the emergence of Trump vulgar comments about women on Access Hollywood dominated the news cycle, Bill Clinton’s characterization of Obamacare as “the craziest thing in the world” was making headlines. To put Bill Clinton’s statement into perspective, he’s married to Hillary Clinton.

Trump – the gift who keeps on giving – has ensured the former president’s comments about Obama’s signature legislation are ancient history. So grave did the Trump camp deem their candidate’s comments on Access Hollywood that Trump deigned to fax in a characteristic pseudo-apology when The Donalnd does his best thinking/seething: at midnight.

Only time will tell if Trump, the most under-estimated presidential candidate of all time, can survive. Remember when the New York Times was publishing all those stories about Bill Clinton groping women? Neither do I.

Bill Clinton, of course, was the embodiment of a conventional politician while Trump is not, although few can doubt that had Trump rapped his comments about women he might have received an invitation to the White House.

Meanwhile, the seasoned Clinton machine is attempting to seize advantage with a top-to-bottom re-branding of their candidate:

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Return to daviDDeeble.com or learn more about my talk, Winning With A Bad Hand.

 

Stop Pining For A Clinton-Trump Dream Ticket

Change You Can Believe In, Okay?

Look, I get it: the American people face a difficult choice. Now that both parties’ primaries are over and the general election is finally upon us, it seems unfair that we must choose between Clinton or Trump.

But talk about a good problem to have!

Sure, it’d be nice to have a candidate on the ticket who embodied both the unbridled ambition of Clinton and the unmoored political philosophy of Trump – like Joseph Stalin, say. But instead of losing sleep over this decision, be grateful that God has blessed America with such a bountiful general election!

Don’t get me wrong: I’m conflicted just like everybody else. On the one hand, Hillary would be our first woman president. I think we can all agree that the last thing this country needs is another George Washington or Abraham Lincoln: BOR-ing! On the other hand, in Trump we have the kind of candidate who would protect America’s interests as only a true authoritarian can.

I understand why some are losing sleep lose sleep over this election. One minute I’m leaning Hillary: from the reset with Russia, the invasion of Libya and her handling of the difficult situation in Benghazi to the fact that she’s never been indicted, Hillary’s résumé speaks for itself. Talk about an ability to think inside the box! But hen I fluff my pillow and suddenly I’m leaning Trump, who understands that it’s the Constitution that’s obstructionist, not Republicans or Democrats as such.

Like many Americans, I was hoping that once the primaries were over that the choice before us would be a clear one rather than the current embarrassment of riches. The Republican primary showcased its remarkable depth of talented and young politicians, from Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Scott Walker to Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and Chris Christie. And while the Democrats’ primary was a cozier affair, who couldn’t help but be impressed by candidates like Bernie Sanders, Martin O’Malley and something called Lincoln Chaffee.

But now we must make the most difficult choice of all: the jingoistic nativism of the unpredictable Trump or the corrupt cronyism of the all-too predictable Hillary. I hear you: 

 Well wish all you want but as Trump would say, it’s time to think white and get real. Maybe when Clinton and Trump debate one candidate will clearly stand out as less cover-your-eyes-awful than the other. But until that happens, I feel like the proverbial donkey who starves to death because it can’t decide which pile of hay to eat from because they both look so appetizing.

Return to daviDDeeble.com or see me perform the Flaming Marshmallow of Mystery on the Late Late Show

Progressive Peanuts Specials

It’s A Gluten-Free Thanksgiving, Charlie Brown

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The gang has its awareness raised of Woodstock’s dubious gluten allergy while learning that shared sacrifice isn’t always delicious.

It’s A Hetero-Normative Valentine’s Day, Charlie Brown

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Charlie learns that the valentine he receives from a classmate is only the expression of the dominant, heteronormative society in which he lives and that in any event love, unlike tenure, is merely a social construct.

Eat Your Spinach, Charlie Brown

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Charlie Brown learns that in nutrition as in everything else, government scolds know best. (Viewer discretion advised: frank portrayals of gluten.)

Check Your Privilege, Charlie Brown

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Charlie learns that his incredible career success has come at the expense of women, minorities, gays, bisexuals, bigendered, transgendered, cisgendered, queer and other government-favored groups.

It’s An Culturally Sensitive Halloween, Charlie Brown

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 Lucy takes offense at Charlie Brown’s Halloween costume only to learn that he’s not actually wearing one, then flies into a rage over his failure to do so. (Viewer discretion advised: stereotyping).

It’s The Grievance Sweepstakes, Charlie Brown

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Charlie Brown learns that rights inhere in groups and are to be unsheathed and used to hit opposing groups on the head.

Linus Seeks A Safe Space

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Linus’ first day at college goes poorly when he’s informed that entering the nearest safe space requires passing through buildings inspired by Greek and Roman architecture.

Charlie Brown Identifies As Black

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No sooner does Charlie Brown identify as African-American that he begins to feel the oppressive scourge of institutional racism.

You’re Part Of The Problem, Charlie Brown

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Peppermint Patty gets angry when Charlie Brown expresses reluctance to identify as the sister she never had.

Life Is A Trigger Warning, Charlie Brown

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Life for the gang quickly becomes complicated upon learning that everyone is entitled to feel offended at anything and at anytime.

Return to daviDDeeble.com or see how I reinvented myself after a head injury cost me the coordination in my right arm.