Mogadishu Withdraws From Sister City Agreement With Minneapolis

Mogadishu, Somalia – Mogadishu mayor Omar Muhamoud Finnish announced at a press conference today that his city will be ending its diplomatic ties with the city of Minneapolis, citing the violence, anarchy and general lawlessness of America’s 46th largest city.

“Mogadishu is a world-wide destination for both tourists and business travelers, not a Woke Mecca of Bay-Area wannabes with a reasonably good ball team” said Mr. Finnish, adding “It is with regret that we must withdraw from our sister-city agreement until Minneapolis gets its personal thing together and decides what it wants to do with its life.”

The mayor concluded his remarks by extending jobs to any Minneapolis law enforcement laid off due to the defund the police movement.

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Governor Sends In National Guard To Burn Down Portland Courthouse

After more than two months of unsuccessful attempts by Antifa radicals to burn down the Mark O. Hatfield Federal Courthouse in downtown Portland, Oregon governor Kate Brown announced her decision to deploy her state’s national guard to finish the job.

“The people of Oregon will not tolerate the chaos and incompetence thriving in the heart of our largest city any longer. If socialist-anarchists can’t burn the whole system down and replace it with a workers paradise akin to Venezuela, then it is my duty as Oregon governor to do so myself.” Governor Brown then added that “You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.”

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler applauded the governor’s announcement, stating that he would award the prestigious key to the city to the first Antifa radical to throw a Molotov cocktail into an occupied police vehicle.

At press time Portland’s Chief of Police Chuck Levell was asking the governor if he would be eligible for the highly-coveted key.

Enjoy this satire? Share with a friend! – Dave