I Translated My Stand-Up Into Buttigieg-Speak And The Results Were Amazing

Former Indiana mayor and professional teacher’s pet Pete Buttigieg is running for president. Known for his soaring rhetoric, perfect curriculum vitae and being married to another dude, Mayor Pete’s carefully cultivated image makes Barack Obama’s look like Nick Nolte’s.

With his support base of fellow white, affluent, urban, overeducated tone police, Buttigieg seems incapable of being funny even by accident. All of this had me thinking: what if I ran my standup comedy through Mayor Pete’s empty-suit rhetoric machine? Judge for yourself.

Democratic presidential candidate South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg speaks at the Iowa State Fair, Tuesday, Aug. 13, 2019, in Des Moines, Iowa. (AP Photo/John Locher)