Look, I get it: the American people face a difficult choice. Now that both parties’ primaries are over and the general election is finally upon us, it seems unfair that we must choose between Clinton or Trump.
But talk about a good problem to have!
Sure, it’d be nice to have a candidate on the ticket who embodied both the unbridled ambition of Clinton and the unmoored political philosophy of Trump – like Joseph Stalin, say. But instead of losing sleep over this decision, be grateful that God has blessed America with such a bountiful general election!
Don’t get me wrong: I’m conflicted just like everybody else. On the one hand, Hillary would be our first woman president. I think we can all agree that the last thing this country needs is another George Washington or Abraham Lincoln: BOR-ing! On the other hand, in Trump we have the kind of candidate who would protect America’s interests as only a true authoritarian can.
I understand why some are losing sleep lose sleep over this election. One minute I’m leaning Hillary: from the reset with Russia, the invasion of Libya and her handling of the difficult situation in Benghazi to the fact that she’s never been indicted, Hillary’s résumé speaks for itself. Talk about an ability to think inside the box! But hen I fluff my pillow and suddenly I’m leaning Trump, who understands that it’s the Constitution that’s obstructionist, not Republicans or Democrats as such.
Like many Americans, I was hoping that once the primaries were over that the choice before us would be a clear one rather than the current embarrassment of riches. The Republican primary showcased its remarkable depth of talented and young politicians, from Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Scott Walker to Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and Chris Christie. And while the Democrats’ primary was a cozier affair, who couldn’t help but be impressed by candidates like Bernie Sanders, Martin O’Malley and something called Lincoln Chaffee.
But now we must make the most difficult choice of all: the jingoistic nativism of the unpredictable Trump or the corrupt cronyism of the all-too predictable Hillary. I hear you:
Return to daviDDeeble.com or see me perform the Flaming Marshmallow of Mystery on the Late Late Show.