Blue State Governors Extend Lockdown Against Law Abiders

Progressive governors from New York to California extended their states’ respective lockdown orders against all law-abiding citizens on Friday. The new extended orders apply to a wide-array of lawful businesses, from barber shops and restaurants as well as institutions such as churches. Individuals committing unlawful acts such as arson, looting and blinding police officers are exempt from the extension and may continue to operate provided masks and social distancing are more-or-less in evidence.

Several law-abiding organizations expressed dismay at the lockdown extension, arguing that it should be the law breakers who should be targeted for shutdown. “All I want to do is provide for my family by providing quality grooming for my clients,” said downtown Portland barber Sal Inhendt, who proceeded to ponder what laws are for if not to protect law-abiders from those practicing violence in order to destroy his livelihood. “It’s almost like our governor has it backwards” he added.

Some groups cheered the so-called blue state model, however, inviting all Americans to come see the violence within the system.

Enjoy this satire? Then share with a friend already! And thank you. – Dave

Push Someone Over The Edge Today

We’ve all heard of the proverbial individual who needs just one more thing to go wrong before he snaps; the person on a knife’s edge for whom something as simple as a spilled drink, a minor snub or a misinterpreted social cue is more than enough to cause her to “lose it.”

Many of us, myself included, have been that person. We’ve all had days where nothing seems to go right and you reach a boiling point.

But seldom do we think about those in the opposite boat: those around us who need only the slightest positive provocation – a smile from a stranger, for example – to make their day.

We all wear masks throughout the day, which is as it should be. I wouldn’t want to live in a world in which everyone is an open book from moment to moment. But sometimes I like to imagine that holding a door open for someone – even if doing so means giving them your place in line – might just place you in that person’s pantheon of individuals who pushed over the edge into faith in the goodness of others.

Did you enjoy this blog post? Then share it with a friend already! And thank you. – Dave

Trump Outlines Plan For Moving Election To Cruise Ships

President Trump introduced at a White House press conference on Monday a plan to move the 2020 general to cruise ships anchored off the coast of Florida. “Imagine,” said Trump “popping by any of the numerous water taxis operating on both coasts of Florida, enjoying a 15- to 20-minute skiff ride to a big, beautiful cruise ship, and then voting for the candidate of your choice in any of the densely-populated buffet areas on Lido deck.”

When asked how handicapped voters would access Lido deck on the ship’s 14th floor, Trump suggested that voters would enter the midship elevators, wait until maximum occupancy had been met, “and then press “Lido deck” with your index finger, just like everybody else.” When asked why no cruises would be docked off the West Coast, Trump replied “You’re fake news.”

The president concluded the press conference by adding that the ships’ voters would then retire to their cabins overnight while the cruise set sail for Mar-a-Lago.

Enjoy this satire? Then share with a friend already! And thank you. – Dave

Americans Reminded To Wash Hands, Wear Masks, Be Under 60

Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases Anthony Fauci reminded Americans at a press conference today to take commonsense precautions against coronavirus, including washing hands, wearing masks and being under 60 years of age.

“The evidence is clear,” said Fauci, “there is little fear from the coronavirus if one practices good hygiene, socially distances is assiduously in the prime of life.”

Fauci was accused of hypocrisy last week when he attended a Washington Nationals baseball game where he removed his mask, failed to socially distance himself and was 79 years of age. In response to the accusations Fauci waved his resume and post-graduate degree in the air and said “Deal with it.”

Enjoy this satire? Then share with a friend already – and thank you! – Dave